


Narcissism, Babies and The Next Next Next One

by tillyenna



Series: 15-16 Draft GC [30]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, corona virus referenced, real life events referenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: Chapter 1: the main group chatPlease be aware, this chapter contains Patrick Kane's REAL BABY. OMG PEEKS, WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT BABY COME FROM? In this fictional universe, PTK3 (hereby known as Hatrick) is still biologically Amanda and Patrick's baby, but they are just good friends (who live together, she may be acting as his beard, that's unspecified), and Patrick and Jonny are still happy togetherNOW, because my decision to include hatrick (particularly in this way) was controversial when a subsection of readers were polled, I have made the following decision. Hatrick is referenced in this chapter. IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY HE IS GOING TO BE REFERENCED AGAIN. Gavin Giroux also exists in this universe and is mentioned in this chapter, but again, the boys don't really talk a lot about their kids in this group chat. So, if you don't want the baby content, just wait for the next episode. Or skip chapter 1Chapter 2 is team piningChapter 3 is Danny B asking Stromer a favourChapter 4 is introducing a new character to the OG chat
Relationships: Auston Matthews/Frederik Andersen, Claude Giroux/Danny Briere, Connor McDavid/Leon Draisaitl, Dylan Strome/Alex DeBrincat, Eddie Lack/Robert Luongo, Jeff Carter/Mike Richards, Matthew Tkachuk/Everyone, Michael Latta/Tom Wilson, Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon, Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, cale makar/carter hart
Series: 15-16 Draft GC [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776370
Comments: 73
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh yeah, this fic also references the fact that there are COVID-19 cases in teams atm

TBeauts:

| 

WAIT WHAT?!?!?!  
  
---|---  
  
Nate:

| 

Agreed…. @Kaner…. WHAT?  
  
EJ:

| 

What are we being surprised about  
  
Claude:

| 

CONGRATULATIONS KANER  
  
Kaner:

| 

#SUPRISE  
  
Teeks:

| 

WAIT WHAT?  
  
Teeks:

| 

As in, I am very confused… WHAT HAPPENED?  
  
Kaner:

| 

#ptkIII 😉  
  
Kaner:

| 

https://twitter.com/88PKane/status/1329607176076357640?s=20  
  
Stromer:

| 

Wait, WHAT?  
  
Stromer:

| 

HOW?!?!?!  
  
Kaner:

| 

Well Stromer, you see, when a man and a man love each other very much  
  
Tazer:

| 

(and one of those men has a best friend who can biologically carry his child)  
  
Kaner:

| 

:D  
  
Danny:

| 

I’m just amazed that someone else went through all the effort of labor  
  
Danny:

| 

AND THEN LET YOU NAME THE BABY AFTER YOURSELF!?!?!?  
  
Danny:

| 

(I’m kidding, Congratulations Jonny/Patrick, welcome to Dad’s club, he is GORGEOUS)  
  
Claude:

| 

@Danny stop being broody right now  
  
Claude:

| 

We are NOT having another one yet  
  
Danny:

| 

“yet” 😉  
  
Lu:

| 

OMG, he is BEAUTIFUL guys!!!! Congratulations  
  
Brinks:

| 

HOW THE FUCK DID NONE OF US KNOW????  
  
Tazer:

| 

I mean, not being able to see each other helped, and the fact that Amanda is pretty private anyway  
  
Kaner:

| 

Plus Amanda and I like to keep our “relationship” quiet  
  
Davo:

| 

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT MENTION THIS TAZER?  
  
Matts:

| 

ALSO…. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN HERE?  
  
Kaner:

| 

Ah, yeah. PR thought it would be optimal if Jonny was not in chitown for the announcement  
  
Kaner:

| 

Because obviously any content of me and jonny with each other that isn’t strictly hetro is completely forbidden  
  
Jonny:

| 

☹ pretty much  
  
Jonny:

| 

But I did use this as an excuse why I got all the cuddles for the first week  
  
Lu:

| 

So is the mom living with you guys?  
  
Kaner:

| 

Yeah, Amanda is my bff, she’s been living with me for years  
  
Kaner:

| 

Pretty much, she wanted a baby, I wanted a baby, Jonny wanted a baby so…. BAM baby.  
  
Stromer:

| 

I’m still in shock.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Like. I just….  
  
Stromer:

| 

I cannot wrap my head around this  
  
Brinks:

| 

I’m right there with you. Baffled.  
  
Stromer:

| 

Please tell me his nickname is Hatrick btw  
  
Stromer:

| 

Also I demand cuddles when I get back into chitown  
  
Kaner:

| 

You know I’ll always cuddle you Stromer!  
  
Stromer:

| 

NOT FROM YOU  
  
Stromer:

| 

I want cuddles from the ADORABLE Patrick Timothy Kane  
  
Tazer:

| 

He IS the adorable Patrick Timothy Kane  
  
Tazer:

| 

Also I like hattrick as a nname  
  
Kaner:

| 

-.- He’s Trip. End of.  
  
Brinks:

| 

I mean, technically, if you gave him his name AND his DNA  
  
Brinks:

| 

It’s only fair that Jonny gives him his nickname  
  
Jonny:

| 

:D the rookies are on my side  
  
Lu:

| 

Can you just spam us with all the baby pictures  
  
Chucky:

| 

Can you create a separate chat for baby picture spam?  
  
Chucky:

| 

Like, not that I’m not SUPER pleased for you guys  
  
Chucky:

| 

Congrats and all  
  
Chucky:

| 

(although really? You named him after yourself??? Like, I thought MY dad was a narcissist)  
  
Kaner:

| 

It’s fine, I’ll do baby spam in the boring old man chat  
  
TBeauts:

| 

Awesome  
  
Stromer:

| 

Although side note  
  
Stromer:

| 

@Davo, why did I not get an invite to come to AZ with you/matts????  
  
Chucky:

| 

Yeah, @Matts, WHERE WAS MY INVITE!?!??!  
  
Matts:

| 

It wasn’t like, planned or whatever  
  
Davo:

| 

Tazer just crashed our party  
  
Tazer:

| 

#sorrynotsorry look, I had to get out of town and I really didn’t want to.  
  
Tazer:

| 

Playing some sweet hockey with you guys seemed the second best thing  
  
Lack:

| 

Incidentally, thanks @Kaner/Tazer because now I have Bobby bouncing up and down demanding that we have a baby  
  
Kaner:

| 

I mean, on one hand, YOU SHOULD, because they are so fucking cute. Like trip is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen and I love him so much my heart hurts  
  
Kaner:

| 

But I haven’t actually slept properly since he was born, because I’m worried he’ll die while I’m sleeping.  
  
Claude:

| 

I have no fucking idea how people cope when their babies are born during the season  
  
Kaner:

| 

Like jesus, if I were playing right now I would ACTUALLY HAVE DIED  
  
Kaner:

| 

Realised halfway through my workout that I was just swaying, like I was rocking trip to sleep, except he wasn’t fucking there  
  
Kaner:

| 

I am so tired.  
  
Danny:

| 

Don’t. Cam was born JUST at the start of playoffs  
  
Danny:

| 

That’s the only year I’ve ever NOT wanted to be in the playoffs  
  
Claude:

| 

Were you?  
  
Danny:

| 

No, thank fuck. I think I would have actually died.  
  
Cale:

| 

AAHHHHHHHHHH BABY!!!!!  
  
Cale:

| 

ALSO HE IS SO BLONDE  
  
Cale:

| 

AND SO CUTE  
  
Cale:

| 

(And he looks SO MUCH LIKE YOU KANER)  
  
Cale:

| 

Also, 79 is like, dying of the cute 1988 baby  
  
Cale:

| 

But he also says congrats  
  
EJ:

| 

You’re not allowed a baby Cale  
  
EJ:

| 

You aren’t old enough  
  
Cale:

| 

We also don’t live in the same fucking time zone  
  
Cale:

| 

We get that  
  
Danny:

| 

You realise that Philly are never going to trade Carter yeah?  
  
Richy:

| 

A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH A HA HA  
  
Cartsy:

| 

NEVER SAY NEVER DANIEL  
  
Cartsy:

| 

(Congrats Kaner and Jonny from both of us!!!)  
  
Cale:

| 

Yes we get that  
  
Cale:

| 

Gonna be the next gen Sid/Nate :D  
  
Sid:

| 

We can give you guys tips on how to cope in the season  
  
Teeks:

| 

Crosby offering Hartsy phone sex tips there  
  
Sid:

| 

I wasn’t, actually…  
  
Sid:

| 

You’ve been demoted btw  
  
Sid:

| 

You are now second least favourite flyer  
  
Teeks:

| 

BOTTOM OF THE PILE?  
  
Teeks:

| 

WAIT, WHO IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE?  
  
Teeks:

| 

IS IT GRITTY?  
  
Sid:

| 

It’s…. not gritty. He’s not on your team.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

He IS on our team.  
  
Claude:

| 

Obviously I have to be his least favourite flyer  
  
Claude:

| 

:p  
  
Sid:

| 

OBVIOUSLY  
  
Claude:

| 

BEF? Best Enemies Forever  
  
Sid:

| 

🙄  
  
Sid:

| 

Do we know how our world jrs team are getting on?  
  
Brinksy:

| 

They’re all quarantined  
  
Sid:

| 

That’s what I meant, how are they coping?  
  
Brinksy:

| 

Well, Dachy is coping by calling Boqy like, every 2 minutes  
  
Brinksy:

| 

At least that’s what it feels like -.-  
  
Davo:

| 

Like you and Dyl have ever been better than that!  
  
Kaner:

| 

Wait, do we think they are??  
  
Brinksy:

| 

Like, I don’t know  
  
Brinksy:

| 

Because I would like to think that the amount of “sleepovers” Dyl has here, Adam would feel he could tell me  
  
Brinksy:

| 

And he hasn’t  
  
Brinksy:

| 

But at the same time, they DO act it.  
  
Carter:

| 

Plus, Dach is wearing Boqvists number and that is 😍😍😍  
  
Claude:

| 

I don’t like the idea of the hawks having a gayer team than us  
  
Danny:

| 

You don’t like the idea of ANYONE having a gayer team than us  
  
Nate:

| 

Technically, I think we have the gayest team  
  
Stromer:

| 

Like, how are we measuring gayness  
  
Stromer:

| 

Percentage of queer teammembers?  
  
Stromer:

| 

And I’m guessing the flyers are also counting their vets  
  
Stromer:

| 

Which complicates matters somewhat  
  
Stromer:

| 

And does a gay player up your gay stat more than a bi player does?  
  
Stromer:

| 

Do in team relationships ADD to your gay stat, and if so, why?  
  
Brinksy:

| 

I knew you’d get nerdy about this, I just knew it.  
  
Brinksy:

| 

I love you  
  
EJ:

| 

Do in team threesomes+ increase our gay stat?  
  
Howdy:

| 

Goddammit I love my team but sometimes you guys make me hella jealous  
  
Stromer:

| 

IT’S OK HOWDY. WE LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE UP FOR THOSE ASSHOLES  
  
Staalsy:

| 

They’re not ALL assholes  
  
Staalsy:

| 

I mean, they might be now…  
  
Stromer:

| 

Do we know anything about the next next next next one? (I’ve lost count)  
  
Davo:

| 

Sid’s the next one, I’m the next next one, Alexis is the next next next one  
  
Teeks:

| 

The next WHAT? That’s what I’ve always wondered…  
  
Hartsy:

| 

The next Gretzky. It’s a good job Pats doesn’t keep you around for your brains TK  
  
Teeks:

| 

Fuck you cartsy hartsy  
  
Hartsy:

| 

🤠  
  
Howdy:

| 

No word yet on Alexis, I’ll report back on which side of the locker room he ends up on :D


	2. Chapter 2

| 

Staalsy has added McLeod to the chat  
  
---|---  
  
JT:

| 

Um?  
  
McLeod:

| 

Hello?  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Welcome to team pining  
  
Staalsy:

| 

😉  
  
McLeod:

| 

DON’T  
  
Tyler:

| 

Rules of team pining are thus: don’t talk about stuff that happens in here outside of here  
  
JT:

| 

Even if it happens to be one of your friends that is discussed  
  
McLeod:

| 

JT, bro, everyone knows you’re pining over Mitchy, it’s not a secret  
  
Staalsy:

| 

😂😂😂😂😂😂  
  
Tyler:

| 

The kid called you OUT JT  
  
JT:

| 

Does HE know?  
  
McLeod:

| 

That’s complicated. He doesn’t believe it.  
  
McLeod:

| 

Like, we are all TELLING him and he’s all like “Noooo, I’m not pretty enough for JT”  
  
JT:

| 

*sobs*  
  
JT:

| 

HE IS LITERALLY SO BEAUTIFUL  
  
Staalsy:

| 

This is mostly what team pining is  
  
Staalsy:

| 

But if you need to like, offload about your beautiful unattainable teammate  
  
Staalsy:

| 

Not saying he’s unattainable for you, but like…  
  
McLeod:

| 

I GET it  
  
McLeod:

| 

He feels unattainable because he is SO BEAUTIFUL  
  
McLeod:

| 

It’s the fucking dimples  
  
Staalsy:

| 

OH GOD. DIMPLES ARE THE ENEMY  
  
JT:

| 

Why are all of these boys out there with beautiful smiles  
  
JT:

| 

IS IT JUST TO TORTURE US?


	3. Chapter 3

| 

Danny has started the chat  
  
---|---  
  
| 

Danny has added Dylan to the chat  
  
Danny:

| 

Hey stromer. I have a favour to ask  
  
Dylan:

| 

Shoot  
  
Danny:

| 

Do you guys still have your old group chat?  
  
Dylan:

| 

I mean, yes? Like, obviously.  
  
Danny:

| 

Cool. I have someone who would maybe appreciate the support of some other queer hockey players  
  
Danny:

| 

Only he doesn’t want to be in the chat with me/Clo  
  
Dylan:

| 

Is he old?  
  
Danny:

| 

LMAO, no, he’s not in the show though  
  
Danny:

| 

Like, he’s playing juniors atm, but his team is being… not amazing  
  
Dylan:

| 

Then for sure, send me his deets.  
  
Dylan:

| 

That’s what we created the group chat FOR  
  
Danny:

| 

Thank you stromer.  
  
Dylan:

| 

Can you guarantee that he won’t out any of us though?  
  
Danny:

| 

I mean, he’s known about me and Clo for the past 10 years and he’s yet to out us  
  
Dylan:

| 

I mean, that’s good enough for me.  
  
Dylan:

| 

Like, if you want to add him to this chat, then I can have his contact deets  
  
| 

Danny has added 🧡Cam🧡 to the Chat  
  
🧡Cam🧡:

| 

Ugh, what?  
  
| 

🧡Cam🧡 has changed his name to Cam  
  
Danny:

| 

Cameron, this is Stromer. You said you wouldn’t be in the big group chat because of me and Clo, but he’s offering you an invite to just the younger guys GC  
  
Cam:

| 

Ok, first of all, I could legit have sorted that on my own. It’s like you think I don’t know anyone  
  
Cam:

| 

Secondly, I said I wouldn’t be in the gc with YOU in it, because you KNOW Clo is my favourite parent.  
  
Danny:

| 

He’s everyone’s favourite parent.  
  
Cam:

| 

We had a vote. Only we voted for Gav, it was unanimous though  
  
Danny:

| 

I love you.  
  
| 

Danny has left the chat  
  
Cam:

| 

Sorry for my dad being an embarrassing interfering asshole  
  
Stromer:

| 

n/p, you want in on the chat?  
  
Stromer:

| 

I mean, we’re all queer as hell, but they’re mostly nice guys  
  
Cam:

| 

I mean, don’t feel you have to just because of my dad  
  
Stromer:

| 

HA no, I’m going to add you because we could use some fresh blood  
  
Stromer:

| 

I’m warning you now, chucky will hit on you  
  
Cam:

| 

😂🤷‍♂️


	4. Chapter 4

| 

Stromer has added Cam B to the chat  
  
---|---  
  
Cam B:

| 

Hi  
  
Stromer:

| 

Hey Cameron, welcome to the group chat  
  
Stromer:

| 

Rule number one, is you don’t fucking out anyone in this chat  
  
Stromer:

| 

I’m trusting Danny here that you won’t  
  
Stromer:

| 

And we all use our real names, so it shouln’t be too hard to work out who we all are  
  
Cam B:

| 

I mean, you SAY that  
  
Cam B:

| 

But I’m yet to be told which Strome you are?  
  
Cam B:

| 

And I notice there’s a McLeod, and no clue which one that is either  
  
McLeod:

| 

Dylan and Mikey :D  
  
Cam B:

| 

Awesome  
  
Teeks:

| 

Like, are you who I think you are?  
  
Teeks:

| 

AKA, IS MY CAPTAIN YOUR STEP DAD?  
  
Cam B:

| 

I mean…. Technically no. But I 100% claim Gav as my baby brother so 🤷‍♂️  
  
Hartsy:

| 

Valid.  
  
Hartsy:

| 

That baby is SO cute  
  
Teeks:

| 

Am I allowed to ask WTF is going on there?  
  
Teeks:

| 

Because I am very perplexed by the whole situation  
  
Cam B:

| 

Uh, Dad, Clo and Ryanne are all poly?  
  
Cam B:

| 

Clo is dating Dad and married to Ryanne  
  
Teeks:

| 

That’s…. actually a lot simpler than I was expecting  
  
Patty:

| 

Thats because your thick tk  
  
Teeks:

| 

ThiCC  
  
Patty:

| 

Is that really how you spell that? I always thought it was ck  
  
Teeks:

| 

:D for sure  
  
Hartsy:

| 

And people call ME evil  
  
Chucky:

| 

So, Cam – tell us all about your life  
  
Cam B:

| 

Well…  
  
**Author's Note:**

> FEED ME IDEAS. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. Right now I'm wasting too much time working on people's lock screens. Because I can. Also.... I'm writing Paul's story, which is not technically part of this universe, but it's not NOT part of this universe either.  
> (Who the fuck is Paul? EJ's boyf/fiance)


End file.
